I can't take credit for all of these--even if I've lived through many of them. These have been assembled through many sources, and some have been adapted adapted from other professions and avocations. (See Murphy's Laws of Canoeing.)
1. You are not Superman, or Wonder Woman. (Choose only one.)
2. If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
3. Don't look conspicuous, it draws police.
4. Never draw police, it irritates everyone around you.
5. When in doubt, hit the shutter.
6. Never share a rental car with someone crazier than yourself.
7. If the assignment is going really well, your meter is broken.
8. If you can't remember, there is no film in the camera.
9. If there are no other photographers around you, you are forward of the crime scene tape.
10. Try to look unimportant, they may be low on handcuffs.
11. The small disturbance you are ignoring is really the main story.
12. The easy way is always mined.
13. The important things are very simple.
14. The simple things are very hard.
15. No instructions from an editor are useful after you leave the parking lot.
16. After you have THE DEFINITIVE PHOTOGRAPH, don't forget to tell the competition, so they can leave too.
17. Incoming fire has the right-of-way.
18. No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.
19. No inspection-ready unit has ever passed combat.
20. Teamwork is essential. It gives the police someone else to hassle.
21. Beer math is two beers X seven photographers equals three 12-packs.
22. Anything you do can get you arrested, including doing nothing.
23. Radios and cell phones will fail only at deadline.
24. If you take more than your share of crappy assignments, you will have more than your share to take.
25. The integrity of the power supply going into the film processor is inversely proportional to the importance of the film about to be processed.
26. The computer will crash only after you have decided to do "just one more tweak" before saving the file.
25. Professionals are predictable. Unfortunately, the world is full of enthusiastic amateurs.
26. Murphy was a photographer.